he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize