I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
