I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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