I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize