I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
