It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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