I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
