You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
