Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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