who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
