the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
accomplished twins. life is a go
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
