So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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