I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
