If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
