She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
