:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
