I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
