She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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