That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
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