Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
