Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
