I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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