Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
