Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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