you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
