I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
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I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
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I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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