You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
