It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
