I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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