and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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