So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
