tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Randomize
