Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
