oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I will pee on everything he values.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Randomize
