did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
porn star boner night. come get it.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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