I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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