glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
