clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
