I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
