How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
