i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
