Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
