Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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