Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
is wine microwaveable?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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