He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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