turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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