I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize