dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
