I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
