The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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