It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
