Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
