I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Randomize
