alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
