wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Mom said you looked used
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
