I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
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