Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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