I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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