No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Someone came in the potted fern
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
