physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
if only i could text you this smell
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
