I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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