You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I need to sanitize my soul.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
