that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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