I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
