I have demons in me.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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