Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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