A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
