I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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